For anybody who’s taken their life in their hands and decided to strap two wood and fiberglass pieces of board to their feet and then careen down a hill, arms windmilling wildly only to strike a tree at about 700 miles an hour, there’s actually something attractive that could come out of it. Looking good can be better than being good when it comes to skiing, so consider fashion before skiing lessons.
Consider that Alpine skiing equipment can probably set one back seven or eight years of pay and that it can also get one down a mountain quicker than a Star Wars spaceship moved through that galaxy that was long ago and far away. Consider, also, that that lightspeed-inducing gear can be rented, and for prices far less than the hospital stay and physical therapy, which will be needed after falling down the mountain, will cost.
That’s why spending the money for the rental gear and then spending the real money on the clothing that can help one look like an Olympic gold medal-winning downhill skier is probably the smarter move. Don’t worry about being laughed at while skiing all day on the bunny slope, because those peasants don’t get that their lives are in danger every second they’re on a hill higher than 2 feet.
And the first thing that a little money should be spent on is a nice black sport watch. This handy little instrument can tell all kinds of time, especially the time when the clubhouse’s happy hour is set to kick off. It’s certainly worth the equivalent of receiving endless huzzahs for having skied the tallest slope, though that was an accident that took place after having gotten on the wrong lift.
And maybe that’s why it’s a good idea to buy a nice black helmet. After all, it’ll hide all of the blood stains and even the gashes that it took on behalf of that egg-soft skull that it’s protecting and that can’t seem to conceive that mountains aren’t meant to fall down from. At any rate, one will look good while the ski patrol gets the medevac helicopter to take one down from the mountain top, right?
The biggest secret when it comes to skiing is to realize that humans weren’t made to go hurtling down K2 at near-lightspeed and slick and icy frozen water crystals. In fact, it’s a pretty good bet that the whole sport was thought up by some ancient Greek god who liked to see humans fall down into funny lumps on the stuff. Truly, the gods have no pity!
In the end, it’s probably best to spend the bucks buying good-looking clothing that’ll also look good at the clubhouse while all of that rental ski gear sits outside, collecting ice and snow while the hot toddies are being poured inside. What’s the point of going to a ski resort, after all, if the only thing to do is to ski?
Tags: skiing hazards, skiing safely
